page 1: "Look at this fine fancy room"
page 2: "why did i come here?"
page 3: "In my quiet room there are tracings"
page 4: "Knock knock knock open sesame"
page 5: "Every time I fit between two people in a crowded place"
page 6: ""if you love her, go back to her""
Look at this fine fancy room
Look at these delicate fingers
Feel that rush of pain all over
Look at these fine things
Falling apart
We're so young to feel this
These knots in our brows
I go outside and they ask me for money
I go outside and they ask me for love
I go outside and it's angry
You know, I think so
I haven't been out in three days
I could call you but what would I say
I feel like I owe you everything you bought for me
But it feels like these fine things are slipping away.
why did i come here?
no one here asks me that
politely enough not to burn right through to you
i rent a room in a building on a hill
where i lie
and waste my time.
In my quiet room there are tracings
That come through the wall at night
Glowing white
They remind me of songs that I never play for anyone
They make patterns and fractals for me
White and neon green
I'm quiet all day, looking for them
The walls are marked with my finger prints
I'm waiting
One night they won't come back
One night they don't come back
Suddenly I have a body to worry about
Whoever's living on the other side
Did they keep them from me in the day time?
On the window ledge I watch men load up a truck
And when they see me, I duck.
Knock knock knock open sesame
Have you got anything
No. Not really.
We're back on the tracks
You say something quietly
Like you used to
In math class
"What are you figuring?"
Shhh.
We flag something down
A fighter jet or a taxi
I forget
And I give birth in the backseat
"Should we leave it?"
Shhh.
Up a million stone steps
(Who built them?) and into the castle
I'd like a little money please
I think of the baby
Will they raise it well
Or bury it proper
Or throw it from the plane
You put your hand on my shoulder and I can feel you in my hair
We're going home
We're going anywhere.
Every time I fit between two people in a crowded place
I feel wonderful
Other than that
Sometimes I wear the same clothes for days
Thinking, you know, I didn't need to do it
Right away
I take a handful of something here and there and there
And pretend I don't notice how ravenously
I take it away
Living alone is different, than say
Dying, or going to war
Not that I'm not
Doing them both
Oh and when one comes to pick me up I say
The other has a sillier car
And at the station I tell them to take their hands off me
Who do you think you are, they say
I forgot for a month
Well, crash and burn baby
We are whatever.
"if you love her, go back to her"
but she isn't real and she didn't love me
"so forget her"
"you live such a compartmentalised life"
"your walls are so white"
"get over it"
i tried!
i went one thousand miles
A good talking to
But I was late, as usual
Out of breath, tired
Eyes in a mess
"Hello"
Nice wrists
I pull back excuse me
The rest of the night I am sulking
You meet a prettier girl and you're drunk enough to talk
In my least favourite persona
I'm a horrible girlfriend
And then I've left and I'm whatever I am again
Mad and bright and lost and looking at street signs
Yeah that's right this ain't my hood
Tuck it up and hands in pockets and I carry it easily
All the way up the hill
The view is beautiful and I think about how I've never liked you less
How I don't need you and I won't miss the mess.