page 1: once upon a time there was a boy named sebastian
page 2: sebastian was addicted to money and fashion
page 3: sebastian changed his haircolour once every three weeks
page 4: one saturday night, sebastian was downtown in a shop called "jamir"
once upon a time there was a boy named sebastian. he was born herbert, but he
had his name legally changed at the tender age of six, when he heard john sebastian
bach's name in music class and suddenly felt ashamed of his own humble title.
now sebastian was seventeen, and he was almost finished high school.
sebastian was addicted to money and fashion. he worked six hours a night after
school each day at his job in the mall, where he sold addictive, ridiculously
titled coffee products. sebastian didn't have to worry about his homework being
done; he was a very attractive boy, and the smart girl who worked doing stock
in the radioshack across the mall aisle always did sebastian's homework on break
or when her manager wasn't looking. sometimes she would leave mathematical equation
codes in the margins of sebastian's homework, which spelled out "you're
so handsome, i wish you would marry me, i love you". sebastian would pick
up his homework at the end of his shift, slide it into his backpack, and forget
about it until he handed it in to his teacher the next day. he hadn't looked
at a school assignment in eighteen months. so the only one who ever solved the
hidden love messages was sebastian's calculus teacher. if sebastian didn't spend
all of his calculus class looking at his reflection on the glass cover of his
watch, he might have noticed the confused, longing looks his teacher constantly
gave in his direction. his teacher was reknown as one of the best calculus teachers
in the province. his teacher was a balanced, well-adjusted human being. his
teacher was happily married. his teacher was in love with him. his teacher was
going insane.
sebastian changed his haircolour once every three weeks. he got his hair done
for free, because the coffee shop was four stores down from a hair salon, and
everyone in the hair salon idolized sebastian. sebastian was beautiful, and
sebastian was a fashion icon. this was because every weekend he would take his
earnings from the week ($8.50 an hour plus tips- and he got a lot of those,
even though he was rude to his customers), and he would take the underground
subway out of the suburbs where he lived and into the heart of downtown, where
he would shop for clothes. sebastian was addicted to shopping. downtown, no
one payed him any attention. he looked like any other rich yuppie's kid. of
course this was an accomplishment in itself, as sebastian's parents were lesbian
navy sailors, and never had much money as they tried to work as little as possible.
they were pacifists. they were from cuba. they taught sebastian all about cuba.
sebastian didn't listen to them when they talked. he hadn't listened to anyone
who was talking in seventy-five weeks.
one saturday night, sebastian was downtown in a shop called "jamir".
closing time was in ten minutes, but sebastian was stuck between a pink blazer
and a brown blazer. he couldn't buy both, because his baggage had reached critical
mass, and he had to be careful about the amount of merchandise he took onto
the subway. his calculus teacher entered the store. "sebastian!" his
teacher said, freezing. his wife drifted into the store and didn't notice her
shocked husband; she made straight for the sale rack. sebastian glanced at his
teacher's shoes, coughed, and went back to the business at hand. suddenly an
insane young chinese boy who had been made fun of in school the previous day
burst through the wall of jamir in a tank, blaring sting's newest album and
crying with freedom and joy. he flattened the store and everyone in it, and
went on to become a bloody pulp of flesh, bones and bullets on the floor of
the hard rock cafe- where he would stop later to recite the haiku poetry he
had written for a deaf girl he had seen on the subway when he was eight years
old, during his first week in america. she was long dead.